I entered the Corporate World with high dreams and aspirations, much like the rest of the World or as they categorically put it, much like the men. Thoughts swirling in mind, eyes twinkling with dreaming of skies, head held high, and with feminine poise, I was determined to make my mark at a place dominated by the men holding highest positions.
Do I feel apprehensive, you may ask? No, is my firm response till date.
I walked in and I saw read the judgements in the eyes, ‘eye-candy’ they declared I am. No, they didn’t announce it but I knew it from their eyes, for I’m a Scorpion and that’s what my Scorpion traits have taught me, ‘pierce into the thoughts through the eyes’.
Did I feel miscalculated, you may ask? No, is my firm response till date. However, I did feel underestimated.
I placed myself in my seat, and got the warmest welcome with the coldest eyes. Yet, I smiled ear to ear accepting the most hurtfully common human phenomenon. I got my first project, typically least challenging per-se, but work is work and worship and responsibility so I performed quite well. That was my first chance of proving my true estimation to counter that underestimation. But oh well! A less challenging task can’t really lead you anywhere.
Days passed and months too… I didn’t feel enriched. Being impatient, it became unnerving each day until one day, I decided to talk it out to the person concerned and so I did. “Naira, it’s about 20% work that you do and 80% how well do you connect with people and people mean your Boss “, and that was my first reality check into the world I entered. The person continued, “You need to keep your Boss happy”, I was of course aware of this sassy formula, however, my ears weren’t ready to receive the same by the Boss himself. Yet, with a poker-face I sat there trying to make the most sense of his words because honestly, I was rather stuck at 20:80 ratio.
My mind had started going to a different level because I barely could grasp the corporate mindset, words like ‘submissive’ and ‘compromises’ made little sense to me. As I tried to subdue the wrong thoughts and tried to admit that words can be misinterpreted, I heard him say explicitly ….
The myth that men do not possess feelings creates relationship problems. Men are generally considered as the feelingless gender. Since the beginning of time, men are taught not to cry, and not to express themselves if they feel bad about something. And therefore, men feel that after a bad day at work, going to a bar and grabbing some drinks to relax is a better option than going home and answering their wives as to what is wrong?
It happens because men do not ace at the art of expressing their feelings. They often convert their sadness into anger or pride. This is why people have this notion that men do not have feelings; however, we forget that men are always taught to be strong, confident and stoic, which is why they start equating emotions as weakness.
To lead a better life, men need to learn how to express their sentiments and emotions with their wives or girlfriends. This will further lead to a healthier relationship between the two. Also, as they say, ‘sharing is caring’, the more we share with our partner better it is for both, and everything around will be good.
If you think back on your childhood heroes, chances are that most of them were tough, independent, unbeaten and confident men who managed to remove any obstacles (often with violence) that might have gotten in their way. These childhood heroes of ours have contributed in developing certain aspects of our character, they probably didn’t offer a lot in the way of teaching us how to be open and honest about our emotional state.
Men, since their childhood, are brought up to take care of their sisters, mothers and wives. This has been infused in their minds that they are the ones who are the bread-earners of the family, have to take the entire load and are not supposed to mention if they feel stressed. This typical macho-man image is created as such that if a man, who is emotional and cries, collaborates with his colleagues instead of competing, he is considered to be someone who cannot do anything in life.
This is why when men come into a relationship with a woman, they try and take charge of everything be it financially or physically. They accept the roles defined by the society for them- providers and protectors. Men are taught masculinity lies in not being emotional and not expressing because this makes them look weak. Though it’s good to be strong and protective of your partner, yet not able to express yourself and share your thoughts can cause serious harm to the relations you are in. Your partner will always be confused as she will not be able to decipher what is going on in your mind.
Emotions live in the background of a man’s life and the foreground of a woman’s.
Five Ways To Open Up With Your Partner
Whatever we have been taught since childhood is not always correct, and sometimes, in order evolve we need to break the barriers. Men are less expressive as they have been taught the same things since childhood – to be macho. But time has changed and millennial men are up for deep conversations with their partners.
However, women need to understand that there is a difference in how men and women express, as they being new to the era of talking and sharing, it might seem that they are still hiding something. So, you need to understand them and give them to adapt to the changing conditions so they are comfortable.
Here are some ways men can use to open up with their partner:
Identify Your Feelings
In order to share your feelings with your partner, you need to first understand and acknowledge your own feelings. You need to accept that you too, feel the need to share, you too feel the pain, you too want to cry out sometimes or want to hug someone when you feel low.
When you are able to feel your feelings only then can you put them in words for the other person to understand your needs. We know it is difficult to instantly change, but baby steps are all you need and things will become easier slowly and steadily.
Understand that Feeling Vulnerable is Okay
After you have identified your feeling now is the time to say them out. You will feel vulnerable which is okay because never in your life have you expressed yourself or we can say never left you zone where you are all confident. Vulnerability will expose you in front your partner.
You will lose your invincible image and become normal. Showing your emotions in front of the one you love is not wrong. In fact, it will help nurture your relationship. As now, your partner will now be able to know the real ‘You’.
Stop Being The Macho Man Reflection
In order to loosen up with your partner and show them real self, it is important that you let go off your macho image. Not that you just let it go forever but with your partner, tender you is needed not the tough you. The tender you can embrace her and comfort her.
Embrace Her Feelings and Tell Her If You Feel the Same
When you plan on opening up with your partner but have no idea where to start from, listening to your partner’s feelings can be a good first step. It might seem easy to listen, however, it is definitely not easy to give someone your undivided attention and just understand their needs. Because along with being bad at expressing, men are bad listeners as well.
So, in order to actually make a better relationship with your partner, listen to everything she has to say. While you listen to her, make an attempt to feel those emotions. Simply listening like a bull head and nodding does not help, so try and make way into the conversation by being empathetic.
Seek Compassion, Support and Empathy
Now that you have done your part of explaining your partner about your feelings, and have expressed yourself in the best way possible, it’s time to ask for compassion, support and empathy.
Ask her to be by your side in your ups and downs. This is the crucial part but if you are able to do this, then you have already taken your relationship to another level with your partner.
Men and women have been brought up differently and so there is also a difference between their ways of expression. There are things men want women to know but will never say, likewise, there are few secrets that women will keep forever.
It is imperative that we make ourselves aware of these differences, so that, we are able to converse successfully, while building relationships with other people.
Though, it isn’t easy for men to open up with their partners because of the kind of notions that we have in our society, yet, if men are able to follow the above steps to highlight their feelings and share them – relationship will surely flourish.
Having a fair skin is every one’s dream! There are various ways of making your skin look fair, spotless and flawless like natural remedies, DIYs and a lot more. However, one of the most important elements in getting a fair skin is food. Yes, the food you eat has a great impact on your color as the tone of your skin is greatly dependent on your food intake. So, if healthy, flawless and fair skin is topping the list of your beauty objectives, you got to include some herbs in your diet.
You can use these herbs in your daily diet charts or in your favorite recipes like pizza, pasta, burritos, and etcetera. The herbs contribute in different ways to make your skin tone fairer and clearer. I have listed some of the most effective ones below. If you add these herbs in your diet, they’ll definitely help you get a fair skin tone in few weeks. Go on, Read!
Turmeric Helps In Fair Skin Tone
There is a reason why they have a ‘Haldi Rasam’ (applying Turmeric on face and body) in India before marriages. So, to get all the goodness from India’s favorite herb, Turmeric, all you have to do is head to your kitchen counter.
Turmeric is a fabulous herb that helps in purifying blood. Therefore, it indirectly helps in nourishing the skin and giving your skin a healthy natural glow. Apart from that, turmeric has anti-inflammatory, anti-aging and anti-bacterial properties that are effectively proven to reduce inflammation of skin, acne, pimples and blemishes.
You can also apply the turmeric paste on your face and body by mixing it with gram flour and milk. Do not keep the paste for long or else, the turmeric will turn your skin tone towards yellowish fair. However, it only happens for quite some time and the skin tone becomes clear and fairer in a couple of days. The turmeric and milk paste also helps to cure dry lips and get pink lips naturally.
Peppermint Helps In Reducing Acne
Are you suffering from oily skin along with acne and pimples? Sip into the goodness of peppermint! A very effective herb that not only adds flavor to your tea or food but also checks in for excessive oil, and lends complete freedom from acne, thereby giving you a fair skin.
This happens because of peppermint’s cooling menthol content, that helps in reducing the redness in your face lending you a healthy and appealing skin glow!
Basil Helps In Detoxifying the Body
Have you ever come across an Italian person? It is often said that the Italians are the best-looking people! It’s because of their high intake of basil that does the magic for them. Basil definitely got something to do with it.
The magical herb has a calming effect in the stomach with its properties that detoxify your body toxins, reduces your stress and rejuvenates your lifeless skin. This, in turn, helps make the skin fairer and glowing.
Are you going through pimple problem? Then, say “hello” to the youthful clear skin minus pimples with the help of the natural properties of ginger. The miracle herb, Ginger fights the free radicals and helps in purifying the impure blood. Hence, ginger is the perfect herb to get rid of your blemishes and spots and your way to get glowing and fair skin.
Oregano Enhances Your Skin Tone
Something which you’ll definitely sprinkle on your favorite Italian dish – Oregano! So, to extract some natural goodness from it, you’ll have to sprinkle the delicious flavor of oregano in many of your foods. Oregano has antioxidant and anti-bacterial properties that help in enhancing the skin tone and getting a clear fair skin.
Oregano is known to be rich in vitamins, fibers, and minerals, and all these things are extremely essential for a soft, smooth and glowing fair skin.
Do try these natural herbs in your food to get fair and glowing skin. You will see the visible difference in your skin tone to one grade fairer in just 4 weeks. If you’re aware of any other natural herb that helps in getting a fairer skin, do let us know in the comments section below!