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Why Is It So Hard to Talk About Our Feelings? – From the Perspective of Men!

The myth that men do not possess feelings creates relationship problems. Men are generally considered as the feelingless gender. Since the beginning of time, men are taught not to cry, and not to express themselves if they feel bad about something. And therefore, men feel that after a bad day at work, going to a bar and grabbing some drinks to relax is a better option than going home and answering their wives as to what is wrong?

It happens because men do not ace at the art of expressing their feelings. They often convert their sadness into anger or pride. This is why people have this notion that men do not have feelings; however, we forget that men are always taught to be strong, confident and stoic, which is why they start equating emotions as weakness.

To lead a better life, men need to learn how to express their sentiments and emotions with their wives or girlfriends. This will further lead to a healthier relationship between the two. Also, as they say, ‘sharing is caring’, the more we share with our partner better it is for both, and everything around will be good.

If you think back on your childhood heroes, chances are that most of them were tough, independent, unbeaten and confident men who managed to remove any obstacles (often with violence) that might have gotten in their way. These childhood heroes of ours have contributed in developing certain aspects of our character, they probably didn’t offer a lot in the way of teaching us how to be open and honest about our emotional state.

hegemonic construction of masculinity
Source: Flickr

Also Read: 5 Things MEN Expect You To Know But Are Afraid To Tell You

The concept that guarantees the dominant social position of men and subordinate social position of women- hegemonic construction of masculinity.

Men, since their childhood, are brought up to take care of their sisters, mothers and wives. This has been infused in their minds that they are the ones who are the bread-earners of the family, have to take the entire load and are not supposed to mention if they feel stressed. This typical macho-man image is created as such that if a man, who is emotional and cries, collaborates with his colleagues instead of competing, he is considered to be someone who cannot do anything in life.

This is why when men come into a relationship with a woman, they try and take charge of everything be it financially or physically. They accept the roles defined by the society for them- providers and protectors. Men are taught masculinity lies in not being emotional and not expressing because this makes them look weak. Though it’s good to be strong and protective of your partner, yet not able to express yourself and share your thoughts can cause serious harm to the relations you are in. Your partner will always be confused as she will not be able to decipher what is going on in your mind.

Also Read: 8 Reasons Why Most Men Can’t Handle an Intense Woman
Men considered themselves as providers and protectors.
Source: Flickr

Emotions live in the background of a man’s life and the foreground of a woman’s.

Five Ways To Open Up With Your Partner

Whatever we have been taught since childhood is not always correct, and sometimes, in order evolve we need to break the barriers. Men are less expressive as they have been taught the same things since childhood – to be macho. But time has changed and millennial men are up for deep conversations with their partners.

However, women need to understand that there is a difference in how men and women express, as they being new to the era of talking and sharing, it might seem that they are still hiding something. So, you need to understand them and give them to adapt to the changing conditions so they are comfortable.

Also Read: 5 Hidden Secrets Girls will keep on forever!

Here are some ways men can use to open up with their partner:

  1. Identify Your Feelings

In order to share your feelings with your partner, you need to first understand and acknowledge your own feelings. You need to accept that you too, feel the need to share, you too feel the pain, you too want to cry out sometimes or want to hug someone when you feel low.

When you are able to feel your feelings only then can you put them in words for the other person to understand your needs. We know it is difficult to instantly change, but baby steps are all you need and things will become easier slowly and steadily.

Identify Your Feelings Man
Source: Flickr
  1. Understand that Feeling Vulnerable is Okay

After you have identified your feeling now is the time to say them out. You will feel vulnerable which is okay because never in your life have you expressed yourself or we can say never left you zone where you are all confident. Vulnerability will expose you  in front your partner.

You will lose your invincible image and become normal. Showing your emotions in front of the one you love is not wrong. In fact, it will help nurture your relationship. As now, your partner will now be able to know the real ‘You’.

Understand that Feeling Vulnerable is Okay
Source: Flickr

Also Read:

  1. Stop Being The Macho Man Reflection

In order to loosen up with your partner and show them real self, it is important that you let go off your macho image. Not that you just let it go forever but with your partner, tender you is needed not the tough you. The tender you can embrace her and comfort her.

  1. Embrace Her Feelings and Tell Her If You Feel the Same

When you plan on opening up with your partner but have no idea where to start from, listening to your partner’s feelings can be a good first step. It might seem easy to listen, however, it is definitely not easy to give someone your undivided attention and just understand their needs. Because along with being bad at expressing, men are bad listeners as well.

So, in order to actually make a better relationship with your partner, listen to everything she has to say. While you listen to her, make an attempt to feel those emotions. Simply listening like a bull head and nodding does not help, so try and make way into the conversation by being empathetic.

Embrace Her Feelings and Tell Her If You Feel the Same
Source: Flickr
  1. Seek Compassion, Support and Empathy

Now that you have done your part of explaining your partner about your feelings, and have expressed yourself in the best way possible, it’s time to ask for compassion, support and empathy.

Ask her to be by your side in your ups and downs. This is the crucial part but if you are able to do this, then you have already taken your relationship to another level with your partner.

 Also Read: The battle we fight with the demons inside us
Seek Compassion, Support and Empathy
Source: Flickr

The Benefits that Come with Opening Up

Men and women have been brought up differently and so there is also a difference between their ways of expression. There are things men want women to know but will never say, likewise, there are few secrets that women will keep forever.

It is imperative that we make ourselves aware of these differences, so that, we are able to converse successfully, while building relationships with other people.

Though, it isn’t easy for men to open up with their partners because of the kind of notions that we have in our society, yet, if men are able to follow the above steps to highlight their feelings and share them – relationship will surely flourish.

 

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